


For him.

by BloodthirstyMerc



Series: The unspoken 'Pat' word series [14]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Character Death, FTM, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gore, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Injury, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mentions of Suicide, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sex, Smut, Spideypool - Freeform, Testosterone shots, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Wade Wilson, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug, don't be like wade, ftm wade wilson, packer, please bind safely, supportive peter parker, trans deadpool, unsafe binding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 05:59:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17319317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodthirstyMerc/pseuds/BloodthirstyMerc
Summary: “We.” Wade mumbles and Peter nods firmly.“We, I’m not giving up on you, I want to help. Wade… Wade, I need you to be okay.” Peter drops his gaze, heat coming to his cheeks. Wade stares for a moment, chewing his bottom lip.{Reward for December}





	For him.

Wade’s chest ached. It always ached. Most of his body was sore, but his chest was always so much _worse_. His skin crawled and burned and his head pounded most days. To make matters worse, his ribs always felt like they were being crushed, because they _were_.

He pulls himself into his apartment, heavy breaths leaving his parted lips as he pants so harshly he feels like he might pass out. Today was really bad; his own fault of course, but he never likes to admit it. He blames the world and he blames the universe for being cruel. Cancer wasn’t enough, was it? He nearly collapses when he trips on the corner of his couch, managing to catch himself on the back and keep himself from meeting the floor. He sucks in a shaky breath, closing his eyes. How many hours had it been? Far too many. What time was it? _Late_.

He slumps against the back of the couch and awkwardly gets the top half of his suit off. A disgusting smell whiffs up into his face. His binder was filthy. At least it wasn’t covered in blood for once or damaged. He’s gone through so many, to the point he’s been thinking maybe it’s not worth it. He presses his hand to the material, trying to slow his breathing so that he can collect the strength to get the thing off. He struggles, he always does. Because the binder is far too _small_ , and he knows that. His shoulder cracks horribly and his ribs pop as soon as it’s off. His healing factor kicks in and starts fixing the problem as Wade throws the binder across the room in frustration.

Wade couldn’t remember ever binding safely. His breasts were far too big for him to bind safely and ever hope of pulling off anything close to a flat chest. Even as it was, the small ass binder he wore bulged slightly. It makes him look like he had muscle-y pecs, which had him feel somewhat better, but still incredibly frustrating. He wore the binder from the second he woke and sometimes he woke up wearing it. His healing factor means that no lasting damage could come from binding the way he does. He’d given up caring about being safe years ago. His healing factor meant that he would forever be stuck with his breasts for the rest of his life. Nothing he could do would ever rid him of them. He tried once. It wasn’t professionally done, he had done it himself out of frustration and misery. Stitching up your own chest while you’re bleeding out isn’t easy.

When Wade woke up, they’d grown back. Wade had slit his own throat in distress, knowing he’d be up again in a few hours. The vagina he could live with, he’d come to accept it. Maybe it was because he looked at so many other transmen that were comfortable with theirs, showing them off like they were proud of their bodies. Their boobless bodies. Wade couldn’t get used to the swell of his chest, he couldn’t help but feel disgust every time he had to be without his binder. The world was cruel because it gave him cancer, it gave him female anatomy that he couldn’t get rid of, and it wouldn’t let him die.

Wade swallows thickly, finally able to catch his breath. When was the last time he’d taken the binder off? He couldn’t remember. He stares over at it. He fucking showered in the thing most of the time. He wraps his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling far too exposed. He pushes off the couch and moves over to his bedroom. He pulls on an oversized hoodie even though it doesn’t make him feel much better. He moves back into the lounge room and picks up the binder. He takes it into the bathroom and hand washes the thing. It’s not cold, but he sets the heater on high and has the thing sat in front of it. The sooner he can get it back on, the better. His ribs are starting to feel better now, it’ll be a short-lived feeling. If he bruised, he knows his whole chest and ribs would look disgusting, more so than they already do with the scars.

Who’d ever think that Deadpool had a chick’s body?

\- - -

“Heyyy Spidey!” Wade chirps as he approaches the wall-crawler. Spider-Man lifts his head from what he was doing, restraining some guy in a balaclava.

“Hey DP,” Peter mumbles as he looks back to the guy on the ground, crossing his arms over his chest. “The cops will be here soon, stick around.”

“Heh, stick. Good one baby boy.” Wade steps up to Peter and throws his arm over Peter’s shoulders. Peter shrugs him off before he moves away, gesturing for Wade to follow him.

He shoots a web up to the roof of the building, snapping it off his web shooter and holding it out for Wade to take. Peter climbs up the wall and Wade lets out a soft sigh as he watches him go. _That booty_. He manages to get a proper breath in before he scales the wall with the web, the strain making his ribs cry out in discomfort that he ignores. He tries not to look winded when he meets Peter on the roof, trying to suck in silent breaths.

“What did you need?” Peter asks, hands firmly on his hips. Wade tries to keep his eyes on Peter’s face, he hated it when Wade let his eyes travel. Though most of the time it was out of envy. Peter didn’t need to know that.

“I can’t visit my Spidey just because I want to?” Wade asks with a light chuckle. Peter lets out a soft sigh.

“I’m kind of busy Wade.”

“I know… you always are. Being a superhero and all that.” Wade waves it off and turns his head away. Why was he here again? He got distracted thinking about his stupid body.

“Are you okay?” Peter suddenly asks, stepping closer to Wade. “You’re usually distant but not like this.”

“Yeah baby boy, I’m always okay, besides the insanity and voices.” Wade chuckles again. Peter doesn’t push it.

“I know I said I’m busy, but I could always use some help. I’ve got a lead for a drug bust tonight if you wanted to bash some heads in.” Peter offers with a light shrug.

“Aw baby, you always know exactly how to make my heart flutter.” Wade clasps his hands together and holds them up to the side of his head as he tilts it slightly. Peter chuckles, though it cuts off, so Wade suspects he wasn’t meant to let it out. Wade smiles softly to himself. He always liked being able to make Peter laugh.

“Sure, want a lift?” Peter offers. Wade tries not to make a comment, he really does, but-

“You mean you’re gonna let me ride you?” He snickers. Peter sighs, his shoulders dropping.

“Y’know what, never-”

“I’m sorry! You know me Petey babe. I can’t help myself.” Wade steps up to Peter and rests his hand lightly against Peter’s back. Peter shakes his head softly.

“You make another comment like that, _or_ say anything else… sexual, I’ll drop you.” Peter grumbles as he turns his back to Wade and gestures for him to jump on. Wade clings to him like a monkey, nuzzling his face into the side of Peter’s neck.

“Now that’s just mean baby boy.” Wade pouts as Peter shoots out a web and leaps from the building. Wade tightens his hold on Peter’s lithe body.

“Don’t test my patience.” Peter mumbles. Wade just nuzzles more into Peter’s neck, thankful that the younger doesn’t threaten him for it. Peter won’t admit he has a soft spot of Wade. But Wade knows it’s there.

\- - -

The drug bust should have been a breeze. But Wade was really having a bad day. Like, a super-duper bad day. The kind you’d probably want to stay indoors for. The kind that makes you want to just curl up in a ball and cry until you die. Only Wade can’t die, which really sucked.

He’s distracted, he’s having a really bad time with his binder today too. Maybe it’s because he’d taken it off and allowed his ribs to sort themselves out, and so now they were breaking and shifting all over again because the martial really was _far_ too tight and it was making him feel lightheaded. It’s not a first, but he’s not usually trying to dodge bullets and apprehend people while he’s struggling with this sort of thing. He shouldn’t have left his binder off while he slept.

“Deadpool!” Peter’s voice catches his attention and he’s instantly snapping out of his trance, realising that he was very much about to be feeling a lot more pain as someone presses a pistol into his back. He didn’t even know the guy was there.

“Oh hell,” Wade mutters as the shot goes off. Wade barely gets to register the fact that it hurts, that he’s just had a damn hole blown into his chest before another shot goes off. He drops dead.

\- - -

He wakes up hours later. Everything hurts, but for once his chest only has the dull ache of his healing factor patching him up and not the normal agony that should accompany having his chest crushed in his binder. He realises he’s in his apartment, which he doesn’t remember falling asleep in. No, he’d died. He sits up with a small groan. He drops his head forward, moaning softly in pain. He realises then that breathing is really easy, and that he’s wearing his loose-fitting hoodie. He pulls the collar away from his neck, his chest is bandaged up, obviously over the bullet holes, but besides that, he’s naked under the hoodie. He pales and lifts his head so quickly his neck cracks. Peter’s sat across from him, his mask off and sad eyes staring back at Wade. Wade instantly bolts up from the couch, not really sure what he’s going to do, but that he _has_ to get out of there.

“Wait! Wade don’t, just relax.” Peter’s on his feet just as fast, striding over to grab hold of Wade’s bicep. Wade flinches at the touch but manages not to break Peter’s arm out of impulse. Wade swallows thickly, feeling like maybe he’ll throw up. Peter takes in a shaky breath.

“I’m so sorry Wade. I… I didn’t know. But… okay, you’ve been shot around me enough that I know the rate you heal at and you weren’t _healing_. I panicked, okay? I… I didn’t know what was going on so I… I brought you back here and I… I didn’t know. Wade… it was… it was so tight, your body started healing fine the moment I took it off.”

“I know,” Wade mumbles lowly. He pulls his arm out of Peter’s grip, wrapping them around his chest and squeezing, trying to compress his breasts that way. “My… it takes longer to heal when I wear it because my healing factors already trying to deal with _that_. I would have been fine.”

“Wade… that’s not healthy.” Peter mumbles in a small voice. Wade chews his bottom lip. He knows that, but he’d given up caring because the world didn’t care about him.

“I would have been fine,” Wade repeats. Peter shakes his head and reaches up to lightly touch Wade’s masked cheek. He’d wanted to take the mask off, but he’d already breached enough of Wade’s privacy, so he chose not to.

“Do you… do you always bind like that?” Peter asks. Wade nuzzles into Peter’s palm, covering Peter’s hand with his own.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it _does_. Wade, is… this is why you get so winded easily. I… it never added up. You’re clearly fit, I should have known something was wrong. I’m sorry…” The realisation comes to Peter like slamming into a brick wall. It makes his heart sink.

“I can’t get rid of them, what else am I meant to do?” Wade grits his teeth and pulls away from Peter. His gut felt like it had something rolling around in it, making him feel queasy.

“I get that Wade, I can understand that it’s frustrating but if you didn’t have your healing factor this could kill you.” Peter stresses.

“If I didn’t have a healing factor they’d be gone!” Wade snaps. Peter’s body tenses at the anger in Wade’s voice. He stares up at Wade, mouth opening and closing like a fish, unable to find words. Dumbfounded. Wade shakes his head and turns away, running his hands over his face in frustration.

“It’s not fucking _fair_.” His voice shakes, and he hiccups as tears build up behind his eyes and his throat clogs up. Suddenly, he felt like he couldn’t breathe again, only this was different because his own throat was restricting and choking him out. He wasn’t prone to panic attacks. He’s had a few small ones. The first time he lost a limb, when his boobs had grown back after he’d spent so long trying to get them off, the first time he’d tried to kill himself.

Suddenly Peter’s in front of him again, pulling his mask off despite Wade’s weak protests. Peter frames his face in his hands and holds him still. “Look at me, Wade. Focus on me and breathe, okay? You’re okay, I’m right here. I’m right here.”

Wade swallows thickly, he nearly chokes on it, he manages to suck in a shaky breath. He stares back at Peter until his eyes burn, until he has to blink and catch his breath again before he stares again. Peter’s face is so soft, Wade always liked to point out how young he looked when he was clean-shaven. Peter’s eyes are the prettiest shade of brown Wade has ever seen, it’s become his favourite colour, but he refuses to admit that to Peter. Those eyes are filled with tears and Wade hates that. He hates seeing Peter upset. Wade frames Peter’s face in his own hands and leans forward, pressing his forehead against Peter’s as he sucks in another shaky breath.

“I am so sorry Wade. I’m sorry that I can’t _help_ you. Life… it’s so cruel to you. You deserve so much better.” Peter whispers softly. Wade clenches his jaw, his teeth grinding together as he tries to calm himself down. Peter’s soft thumbs brushing against his cheeks in a slow pattern helps.

“Wade… I know… I know it’s hard, but _please_ , I don’t want you hurting yourself like this.” Peter shifts, Wade has to drop his hands from Peter’s face as the brunette steps closer into Wade’s body and wraps his arms around Wade’s neck, pressing his face into Wade’s shoulder. Wade hesitates for a second before he wraps his arms tightly around Peter’s small frame, pressing his own face into the side of Peter’s neck.

“I know you can heal… but this needs to _stop_. I… please.”

“Why does it matter? I’ve been doing this for years.” Wade mumbles. Peter sobs, his shoulders shaking with it, throwing Wade off slightly.

“ _You matter_. Wade, I care about you. I know you don’t have many people in your life that do. I know people take one fucking look at you and they instantly judge you on all the things they shouldn’t. I know I did the same in the beginning and I am so sorry for that. You have no idea how much I hate myself for how I treated you back then. But I do care, Wade. I don’t want you hurting yourself. I want you _safe_.” Peter’s words fall on wobbly sobs and Wade can feel Peter’s tears soaking into his jumper. Wade just tightens his hold.

“Baby boy… I’m never going to be safe. I’m Deadpool, my whole thing is being dangerous.” Wade tries to laugh it off. Peter shakes his head slightly, but Wade hears the weak chuckle that pulls from him.

“Yeah, you are Deadpool. This doesn’t change anything. But you’re also Wade Wilson, and he’s allowed to be safe.” Peter pulls back and wipes at his face. His nose and eyes are red, cheeks wet from his tears and blotchy. Wade’s heart sinks. He lifts his hand and cups Peter’s cheek again.

“I can’t bind safely Petey… not… they’re…” Wade lets out a frustrated sigh.

“I know, I know I… you don’t have to say it.” Peter swallows and drops his hands to Wade’s hips. “I know, I get it… but… we’ll figure this out, okay?”

“We.” Wade mumbles and Peter nods firmly.

“We, I’m not giving up on you, I want to help. Wade… Wade, I need you to be okay.” Peter drops his gaze, heat coming to his cheeks. Wade stares for a moment, chewing his bottom lip.

“You know that’s not possible.” Wade tries to lighten the mood, he really does. Peter lifts his head and lets out a soft sigh.

“As okay as you can be then.” Peter offers. His eyes drop to Wade’s lip and suddenly Wade’s very aware of the fact that he’s chewing on it. He lets it fall from between his teeth as he swallows weakly. Peter pushes himself up onto his toes and Wade’s arm that’s still around his waist tightens on impulse. Peter kisses him softly. Wade’s eyes fall closed and he lets out a shaky breath. Peter presses another light kiss to his lips, and Wade fails to chase Peter’s own back. “I want you safe.”

Wade makes a small noise, and Peter presses his mouth to Wade’s again. Wade’s hand moves to the back of Peter’s head and he grips Peter’s soft hair in a tight hold. He kisses Peter with desperation, unable to hold himself back and Peter kisses him with the same urgency. Peter’s hand's fist in Wade’s hoodie and he pulls Wade’s body harder against his own. Wade holds Peter just as tightly, his mind running at a million miles as he tries to regain himself. How long had he been pining for Peter? How many times has he stared longingly at the younger wishing for this right here? Far too long. It had been building recently, Wade could sense that Peter was getting more comfortable around him. He was more relieved than he’ll ever want to admit that it was finally happening.

It ends far too soon, but Wade’s still struggling to keep his breathing in check and given Peter’s state when he pulls away, Wade can only assume that Peter’s struggling to keep himself together too. Peter pants softly, resting his forehead heavily against Wade’s as he keeps his gaze down between them. His fingers curl and twist in Wade’s clothing, tugging lightly on it. Wade slowly runs his hands down Peter’s body to rest them on Peter’s waist. He licks his lips, catching a strand of saliva and drawing it back into his mouth.

“Wow,” Wade mumbles in astonishment. Peter laughs like he’s surprised, lifting his hand to cover his mouth with his palm. Wade’s heart flutters again at the sound, his smile softening when Peter looks up at him, still giggling and face still wet with the traces of his tears.

“I mean… yeah, what you said.” Peter chuckles, snuffling still because he’s still stuffy from crying. Wade pulls Peter’s hand away from his mouth and leans in again to press another quick and soft kiss to his lips.

“So… now what?” He asks. Peter bites his lip and shrugs.

“Do you… wanna talk about it?” Peter’s voice is unsure, and the way his face screws up in question just shows how uneasy he is. He clearly doesn’t want to accidentally make the situation worse.

“Depends. Does ‘it’ stand for the trans thing or us?” Wade raises an eyebrow. Peter shakes his head lightly and tilts his head to kiss Wade’s jaw.

“I think ‘us’ is pretty well sorted for now.” Peter hums. Wade nuzzles his nose against Peter’s cheek.

“Yeah… talking might be a good idea.”

“Get yourself comfortable, in any way you need to, then we’ll talk.” Peter steps back, giving Wade some room.

“Comfortable may involve a bed,” Wade mentions with a small smirk tugging at his lip. Peter bites back a smile.

“That’s fine.”

\- - -

A few hours later, after all the talking, Peter was still in Wade’s bed. That was okay. Peter was in one of Wade’s hoodies and a pair of Wade’s pants that are far too big for him. That was also okay. Wade was in Peter’s lap, hands pressed to Peter’s chest and lips locked with Peter’s. That was _great_. Peter’s hands were on his hips as he kissed Wade back and whispered reassuring statements between their kisses. He told Wade how much he liked him, how he thought he was beautiful, handsome and sexy, how he liked the way Wade kissed him, how he was there for him, wanted to help him, how this didn’t change anything, he was still the guy Peter had a crush on, how he was going to do anything for him. That was _fantastic_.

And Wade couldn’t help it, they’d been at it for how long now? A long, _long_ time. His lips were starting to feel swollen, and that was fine, but he’d been in Peter’s lap kissing him for what feels like forever now and so he can’t stop himself when he finally gives in to the want and slowly grinds his hips down against Peter’s. Peter makes a noise, Wade’s not sure if it’s a good noise or not, but the fact that Peter’s hands move to grip Wade’s ass makes him think it’s not a _bad_ noise. Wade slides his hand up from Peter’s chest and grips the back of his neck as he deepens the kiss. He grinds down harder against Peter. The brunette pulls away from Wade’s lips, much to Wade’s distress and looks up at him.

“We don’t have to do anything,” Peter assures. Wade gives a firm nod.

“I know… but you have no idea what kissing you does to me…” Wade admits sheepishly. Peter chuckles softly and pushes his hips up into Wade’s rolling them enough for Wade to be able to feel the hard length of Peter’s cock pushing into his thigh.

“I might have an idea.” Peter offers. Wade’s breath hitches and his body tenses slightly. For all the talk he is, that’s all it’s ever been. Now was probably a good time to tell Peter that.

“I-I’ve never um…” Wade turns his head away. This was stupid, he shouldn’t be embarrassed.

“I kind of figured.” Peter shrugs lightly. “That’s why we don’t have to do anything, not right now, not ever.”

“You can finger me? I’ve fingered myself plenty of times. I mean I’ve done more than that, gets lonely. I can show you my toys if you wanna see? Maybe you could use some, though I might not have a lot of lube, haven’t had a lot of wank martial lately-”

“Wade.” Peter cuts in. Wade stops and hums like he’d forgotten Peter was there. Peter lifts his hands and cups Wade’s face, pulling him down to give him a quick kiss.

“What do you want?”

“…You?” Wade answers though he sounds confused. Peter rolls his eyes even though he chuckles softly.

“No duh. What do you want me to do?” Peter clarifies.

“Aren’t you meant to tell me what you want from me?”

“What? No.” Peter frowns. Wade drops his gaze and chews his bottom lip.

“Oh… well I mean you could fuck me. I’m not a _virgin_ . Long story, long time ago, bad memories. I’ve just never done _this_ y’know with it being two ways and with feeling. So, you could do that but like I said I don’t have a lot of lube so it’ll take some time. Though I’m already pretty wet, you’re really sexy, you know that, right? You always get me wet even when I’m not even really thinking about it. It’s kind of frustrating.”

“Okay wow, Wade. You need to calm down, okay?” Peter cuts in again. Wade curses under his breath.

“Sorry, sorry.”

“No, stop.” Peter frames Wade’s face again. “No need to apologise. All I want from you, is for you to tell me what you want me to do. Don’t give me options. Tell me exactly what you want. If you want this to stop, we’ll stop Wade.”

Wade’s chest shakes as he takes in a deep breath. “I… baby steps…” Wade mumbles. Peter nods firmly. He could work with that.

“Okay. Good.” He smiles up at Wade again. “Kiss me, red.”

Wade leans in again and does just that. Peter’s kisses are softer now, making Wade melt into them. Peter’s hands trail down Wade’s sides to take hold of his hips again as he slowly grinds up into Wade. “If at any point you feel uncomfortable, tell me.”

Wade gives a nervous nod. His own body issues had always stopped him from engaging in sex. Even before he was Deadpool, before the cancer, he just wasn’t comfortable enough. Obviously, that hadn’t improved once the shit that went down in Weapon X turned him into a walking ball of tumours. Peter presses his lips to Wade’s throat as he moves a hand to Wade’s front. Wade tries not to think about the only other time he’s had someone else’s hands on him. It’s really hard to block the thoughts out.

“Hey,” Peter gets his attention. Wade looks down at Peter, swallowing thickly. He only just realised that he’s shaking a little. Peter wasn’t _him_ , Peter cared, Peter… Peter liked him. Peter wanted him to be okay and wanted to be there for him. Wade had to remember that Peter was different. “I can stop.”

“No… just…” Wade sighs. He pushes himself up on his knees slightly, taking hold of the hem of his pants. He was in control, he was the one making the choices. Peter keeps his gaze on Wade’s face, even as Wade pushes his pants down his thighs. Peter’s hands start to feel too hot against Wade’s skin, but he doesn’t tell him to let go. His hands shake slightly as he hooks his thumbs under the waistband of his underwear.

“You’re so beautiful, Wade.” Peter mumbles lowly. Wade takes in a shaky breath and drops his gaze as heat spreads across his cheeks.

“Says you… been around a mirror lately Spidey? I mean you’re always pretty but… you know, you look really cute in my clothes.” Wade lets out a nervous chuckle. Peter leans into him and pecks his lips.

“You always look cute.” Peter states. Wade bites his bottom lip as he slowly pulls his underwear down with his pants.

Peter still doesn’t lower his gaze, even when Wade sits himself in his lap again. Peter’s fingers trail lightly over Wade’s stomach, but they don’t go any lower. Wade drops his gaze. He’s suddenly very aware of the fact that the only thing between his chest and Peter is a very loose-fitting hoodie. And the bandages he doesn’t need to be wearing anymore but he really doesn’t want to be in any state of undress from the waist up right now. Peter nudges his chin up and Wade instantly lifts his gaze and looks at Peter like he’s startled. Peter leans in and nuzzles his nose against Wade’s.

“Focus on me.” His voice is low and soft. Wade gives a small nod and slowly brings his hands to Peter’s sides.

“C-can I touch you?”

Peter has never seen Wade like this. Sure, Wade’s been nervous and even a little shy around him, but not to the point where it almost seems like he’s a completely different person. He’s not completely uncomfortable with the situation, if he was Peter would stop anything from happening. But he’s nervous in a way that Peter would never have thought capable yesterday. Not for Wade anyway. He wishes he’d known, the idea that every single time he’s seen Deadpool, every single time he’d been in Wade’s presence that Wade had been suffering in more ways than Peter was aware of, it makes Peter feel uneasy.

“Yeah, go for it, big boy.” Peter urges on, turning his head to kiss the side of Wade’s neck. Wade’s hands shake a little, and Peter understands that, as he pushes up the hem of Peter’s jumper.

Wade’s touch is slow and careful as he slides his hands down Peter’s stomach. He hesitates before he slowly pushes the pants Peter’s wearing down enough for him to get a look at Peter’s underwear. Wade lets out a low chuckle and Peter frowns, dropping his gaze. Heat immediately rises over his cheeks because he’d forgotten he was wearing goddamn Deadpool underwear today.

“Well this is awkward, I’m already on your dick.” Wade hums and Peter nearly groans audibly.

“Shut up,” Peter grumbles, dropping his hand from Wade’s hip, ready to pull his underwear down so that Wade had something else to focus on. Only Wade catches his hand and brings it back to his hip. Peter raises a sceptical eyebrow but doesn’t fight the action.

“You’re not embarrassed, are you?” Wade asks and he doesn’t sound like he’s teasing. Peter licks his lips and shrugs.

“I mean not really. It’s just… I forgot?” Peter offers. Wade smirks and shifts back a little more in Peter’s lap.

“It’s cute. Sorta nice too because you know I’ve got Spider-Man underwear. Now we match.” Wade states happily. Peter’s smile morphs into something a little more fond.

He waited far too long to make a move, they could have been together a long, _long_ time ago if he’d just gotten over himself. Part of him had wanted Wade to genuinely ask him out, but this was Wade Wilson, serious isn’t something he’s very good at when it comes to this sort of thing. Peter presses another kiss to Wade’s neck.

He’s painfully aware of the heat from Wade’s hands, pressed into the top of his thigh and his stomach. He’s also painfully aware of when that heat moves. Wade’s hand slides over his thigh cautiously before Wade’s grinding his palm down against Peter’s confined cock. Peter’s grip tightens on Wade’s hips, his eyes rolling closed as he nuzzles his face into Wade’s neck more. He holds back any noise, for now. Wade lets out a shaky breath as he rolls his hand over Peter’s cock.

“Heh, you’re nearly as wet as me, getting your underwear all dirty.” Wade chuckles softly. Peter bites his bottom lip and pulls away from Wade’s shoulder, lifting one hand to cup the back of Wade’s neck. He meets Wade’s gaze just as the merc’s hand slips into his underwear. A breathy sigh escapes Peter’s parted lips as Wade’s fingers curl around his cock, pulling it free completely as Wade gives a few slow strokes. “I hope this doesn’t sound offensive, but damn Petey, you sure are packing. I mean, it’s kinda hard not to notice you’re pretty fucking well built in that spandex but even that tight suit doesn’t do you justice.”

Peter lets out a surprised chuckle and shakes his head softly. “Uh… thanks? I think.”

“You’re welcome baby boy.” Wade hums. Before Peter can even think up something to say to that, Wade’s swiping his thumb over the leaking head of Peter’s cock. Peter’s breath hitches and his hips roll up into Wade’s hand on impulse.

Wade presses his mouth to Peter’s jaw, his teeth grazing over the skin. Peter chews his bottom lip again as he tightens his hold on Wade’s neck and keeps him pressed against his skin, urging Wade on. Wade’s never been one to disappoint as he turns his head a little more to the side and starts sucking on the side of Peter’s throat. Peter groans softly at the added sensation.

“…Wade?” Peter mumbles in a low, soft voice after a moment. Wade makes a small humming noise as a way to let Peter know he’s listening. Peter pauses, trying to order the thoughts in his head as best he can with Wade’s hand on his dick. He manages to pull Wade away from his neck and gets the merc to look him in the eye. “I’m gonna touch you now, okay?”

Wade swallows and Peter can tell it’s a nervous action, but he still gives a small nod. Peter sucks in a deep breath. “You tell me to stop, and I will straight away. Don’t let me continue if you’re not comfortable.”

“I’m fine Peter.” Wade offers in a low voice. Peter watches Wade for a moment, assessing him.

“Okay.” Peter gives a small nod. Wade leans in again and presses his nose against Peter’s neck.

Wade’s hand still strokes over his cock at a slow, firm pace. Enough that it doesn’t distract Peter too much but he’s undoubtedly aware of it. Peter slowly moves his hand down Wade’s body, his touch almost too light. It’s almost funny because he seems more nervous than Wade is. Wade’s chest tightens a little, his gut sucking in when Peter’s fingers press against his pubic area, where they stop. Wade tries not to hold his breath, counting it out in his head. Peter nudges the side of his face and Wade turns to look at him, only for Peter’s lips to meet his own. Peter’s fingers slide lower and they both let out shaky breaths into the kiss as they press into Wade’s swollen clit.

“Peter…” Wade’s voice is a little shaky and for a moment Peter pauses, thinking maybe Wade’s going to ask him to stop. But Wade grinds his hips down against Peter’s hand, and Peter’s fingers slide back more with the action. Peter curses under his breath.

“God… you really are wet.” Peter manages to get out around a weak chuckle. Wade makes a small whimpering noise as he turns his head and presses his face into the side of Peter’s neck again.

“Your fault.” He mutters. Peter chuckles softly and rolls his own hips up into Wade’s fist.

“Guess that makes us even.”

Wade’s grip tightens a little and his strokes become slightly faster. Peter moans softly at the pleasure it brings as he slowly starts to rub his fingers over Wade. For a moment, that’s all it is, their hands moving against each other as they press their faces into the other's shoulder. Peter continues to press kisses to Wade’s skin when his brain can remember to do so while Wade presses his forehead firmly against Peter’s collarbone. Wade’s breathing starts to build up until he’s panting softly, and his hips start to rut against Peter’s hand like he’s desperate.

“Peter.” Wade whimpers softly. Peter’s breath hitches and his cock twitches at the sound of Wade’s voice.

“I’ve got you.” Peter turns his head more into Wade’s and rests his forehead against Wade’s temple.

“P-please.” Wade keens. Peter frowns, about to ask what Wade was asking for when Wade shifts the angle of his hips and presses them down harder against Peter’s fingers and it clicks. Peter sucks his bottom lip into his mouth as he presses his middle finger harder against Wade and slides it back, curling it into Wade’s body. Wade’s head tips back, his hips rolling down against Peter’s hand harder as he moans loudly.

“God.” Peter breathes out as he tries to take in the feeling while Wade’s still stroking his cock. Wade makes another small noise that Peter thinks was supposed to be a curse. Peter reaches up with his free hand and turns Wade’s head so that he can kiss him properly.

He moves his finger slowly but firmly inside Wade, curling it with every slide out of Wade. It has Wade whimpering and moaning desperately into his mouth while his hips thrust down against Peter’s hand. His fist works over Peter’s cock faster, his wrist twisting when he gives the head a light squeeze on his upstroke. Peter’s grip tightens on the side of Wade’s neck as the coil in his gut tightens. He presses a second finger into Wade, pulling a loud moan from the merc as he breaks the kiss.

“Oh God, oh fuck, Pete- Peter!” Wade’s head tips back and his hips jolt against Peter’s hand as a shiver crashes over his body. Peter curses softly, biting into his bottom lip as he feels Wade clench around his fingers and he watches Wade fall apart. Peter keeps sliding his fingers in and out of Wade until the shaking stops and he lets out another soft groan. Peter slowly slides his fingers out of Wade, dropping his gaze and taking in how wet and messy they were, Wade’s come coating them. Wade whimpers softly as Peter pulls his hand up to his mouth and licks his fingers clean.

“Fuck…” Wade pants. Peter moans softly around his fingers and starts rolling his hips faster into Wade’s hand.

“Wade, fuck baby.” Peter mewls softly, his eyes rolling closed before he sucks his fingers back into his mouth. Wade tightens his grip just enough, jerking Peter off at a strong and steady pace, causing Peter’s toes to curl. Peter presses his face into Wade’s neck, making a low noise as he comes. Wade’s breath stutters as he strokes Peter through it. Peter pants and moans softly as he pulls Wade tighter against him.

They hold onto each other tightly as they come down from their respective highs. Peter continues to pepper soft kisses across Wade’s face as they recollect themselves. Wade slumps completely against Peter’s chest, taking in deep and shaky breaths. Peter rubs his hands lightly over Wade’s back, over his spine to help relax him.

“You okay?” Peter asks when he’s able to pull himself away from kissing across Wade’s face.

“Yeah, god that felt so good.” Wade hums as he lifts his head enough to give Peter a soft smile. “Thanks.”

“What for?”

“…being here,” Wade mumbles in a low voice, dropping his gaze as heat covers his cheeks. Peter tilts his head slightly and leans in to press a soft kiss to Wade’s cheek.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Peter admits. Wade makes a small noise and presses his face into the side of Peter’s neck to hide his embarrassment. Peter just holds him close and lets him rest.

\- - -

“Sorry about being so jumpy.” Wade mumbles, about an hour later. They’re still in Wade’s bed, once Peter had cleaned them up they’d laid down and were just existing together. It was really nice. Wade hadn’t felt this calm and happy, this comfortable in his own skin in a very, very long time. Peter was laying on his back with Wade curled into his side, Wade’s head rest against Peter’s chest. Peter turns his head and looks down at the top of Wade’s head. He rubs his hand in slow circles against Wade’s back.

“It’s okay Wade. It’s a common trait in rape victims.” Peter offers, keeping his voice steady and calm. Wade tenses against him, which he’d expected he would. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to the top of Wade’s head.

“H-how…?” Wade asks in a small voice. Peter lightly runs his fingers up Wade’s neck and over his scalp.

“I can tell,” Peter admits as he stares up at the ceiling in the low lighting of the room. He wasn’t even sure what time it was, but he knew it was very early in the morning at this point. And yet, somehow, he didn’t feel tired yet. He was more concerned about Wade.

“Oh…” Wade’s fingers draw random little patterns against Peter’s stomach. Peter had wanted to keep the hoodie on that he’d been wearing earlier, for Wade’s sake. But Wade had wanted him to take it off and Peter wasn’t going to fight the merc on it.

“I’m sorry,” Peter mumbles after a slight pause. Wade shakes his head.

“Don’t be… it was a _long_ time ago.” Wade shrugs with a slight chuckle to his tone. It makes Peter feel sick to the stomach hearing it.

“It doesn’t matter when it happened.” Peter states in a firm tone. Wade chews his bottom lip and closes his eyes as the memory floods back to him. He shivers against Peter’s side, turning his head a little to press his face more into Peter’s skin.

“…I was a kid… I didn’t even… I didn’t know I was trans. I was… his little girl.” Wade whispers. He swallows thickly and tries to will the phantom feelings away.

“Jesus,” Peter mutters under his breath, his hold on Wade tightening. “I’m so sorry Wade.”

Wade chuckles again and this time it has a hint of venom to it. It doesn’t make Peter feel any better. “It’s funny y’know? I forgot so much about myself, my life, my past. When the insanity happened, I lost a lot of myself. But I never forgot him, I never forgot what he did to me. I never… I can still hear his voice, calling me that, telling me I was-”

“Stop.” Peter cuts Wade off. Wade bites the inside of his cheek and squeezes his eyes closed. Peter’s suddenly sitting up, pulling Wade up with him. He holds Wade’s face between his hands and stares him in the eye, shaking his head softly. “Don’t think about it Wade, don’t… don’t go back there.”

Wade gives a small nod and closes his eyes again, reaching up to grip Peter’s wrist tightly. Peter rests his forehead against Wade’s, letting out a heavy breath. “That’s so fucked up… what happened to you, God Wade you’ve been through fucking _hell_. It’s… fuck it’s not fair. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do to help, I can’t change the past, I can’t _fix this_. But I would Wade… fuck I’d fix it for you in a heartbeat if I could.”

Wade makes a low noise and tightens his hold on Peter as he grits his teeth. “Peter…”

“I’d do anything for you Wade.” Peter whispers. Wade’s chest tightens, and he forces himself to hold back from sobbing.

“Being here is enough baby boy… you’ve done enough.” Wade mumbles, swallowing thickly in an attempt to keep himself from breaking down again. Peter pulls him closer and kisses him softly.

“I’ll always be here Wade, I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Peter assures. Wade lifts his gaze and gives Peter a wet smile. He gives a small nod and allows Peter to pull him in against his chest again.

\- - -

Peter’s pulled from his sleep by movement against his side. At first, it doesn’t really register in his mind and he almost rolls over and away from it so that he can fall back asleep. Only for him to remember that he very much sleeps _alone_. His eyes shoot open and he stares around the room, realising instantly that it’s not his. The memories of last night come crashing back to him before he has time to panic. _Wade_. He turns his head just in time to catch Wade pulling himself from the bed, rubbing at the back of his neck as he stretches.

“Hey.” Peter hums, his voice gravely with sleep. Wade looks down and offers him a small smile.

“Hey, sorry for waking you.” Wade mumbles. He looks out of place, nervous. Peter pushes himself up and rubs his eyes.

“It’s fine. Is everything okay?” He asks as a yawn creeps up on him.

“Yeah, all good,” Wade assures. “Just gotta pee. You’re a really cute sleeper you know? You make little noises in your sleep. I honestly didn’t expect you to still be here, it was nice waking up to you. I uh… not to be creepy but I kind of just… wanted to stay in the moment. I’ve been up for a while now, I’m not gonna say how long because it’s embarrassing.”

Peter chuckles softly and pushes his hair back from his face, ruffling it slightly as he lets out another yawn. He doesn’t miss the way the shaky intake of air Wade sucks in with the action. Peter offers Wade a soft smile.

“It’s okay. And I told you last night, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yeah but you’ve got things to be doing I’m sure.” Wade mumbles. Peter shrugs.

“My boyfriend comes first.” Wade tenses slightly at the statement. Peter watches him and gauges his reaction.

“Boyfriend.” He repeats. Peter shifts forward on the bed slightly.

“If that’s okay with you?” Peter gives a small shrug. Wade laughs and something about it makes Peter’s heart feel like it flutters.

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve thought about what it would be like to be Spider-Man’s boyfriend?” Wade huffs as he rubs at his neck again. Peter bites his bottom lip.

“It’s probably not as exciting as you think,” Peter admits. Wade hums and leans into Peter and pecks his lips.

“Yeah but I get to kiss you whenever I want now.” Wade states. Peter lifts his hand and strokes the back of his fingers over Wade’s cheek.

“I hope you plan to take full advantage of that.” Peter bites back his smile as a light giggle builds up in his chest. Wade kisses him again.

“Fully. I really do have to pee though.” Wade suddenly stands up straight and turns away. Peter leans back on the bed and watches him go, unable to keep the fond smile from his lips.

It’s not until Wade’s out of sight that he realises that it’s probably later than he’d like it to be. He gets up from the bed and goes on a hunt for his phone. It’s almost flat because it hadn’t been on charge at all. It’s eleven, which isn’t too bad, all things considered. They’d stayed up pretty late, Peter knows that. He hunts down a charger, thankful that he and Wade had the same phones and plugs it in. He decides the least he could do is cook up some food for them. Upon inspection in Wade’s fridge and cupboards, he locates bread, eggs and bacon that looks okay. He gets to cooking.

He’s halfway through cooking the bacon when he realises Wade hasn’t reappeared. Peter swallows thickly as fear claws at his throat. He turns the heat of the stove down and makes a quick beeline to the bathroom. He knocks lightly on the door. “Wade?”

“Huh- uh, yeah I’m good, I-I’ll be out in a minute.” Wade gushes out, his words almost seeming to tumble over each other in his haste to get them out. Peter stares a little blankly at the door, his hands pressed against it as he tries to listen to what’s going on.

“…Wade, can I come in?” Peter asks a little hesitantly. When Wade doesn’t answer instantly, Peter thinks about dropping it. He didn’t want to make Wade uncomfortable. He hears a soft sigh emit from the bathroom.

“…yeah actually…” Wade’s voice sounds a lot weaker than it had before. Peter slowly pushes the door open and cautiously steps inside the room.

Wade has his back to Peter as he leans against the basin, his head bowed. Peter swallows and gets a look at the situation in front of him. Wade’s only in the hoodie and his underwear, his pants strewn out on the floor. Sat on the counter beside Wade is a little bottle and a needle. Peter’s heart nearly lunges out of his chest before his brain catches up and he realises what it is. He lets out a small breath and steps up to Wade, resting his hand lightly on Wade’s back.

“Everything okay?” Peter asks, eying the needle slightly. Wade lets out a shaky chuckle.

“I always struggle with the injections. You’d think I’d be over it by now. Makes me think of Weapon X, I’m really bad with needles and my hands shake too much and it makes it harder to get the thing in.” Wade lets out a heavy sigh and runs his hand over his face. He lets out a frustrated noise and goes to reach for the needle. Peter catches his hand.

“I can do it for you.” Peter offers. Wade freezes, his gaze still locked onto the needle like he’s scared it’s going to jump to life and attack them.

“You don’t have to.” Wade mumbles.

“I want to. If you’re okay with me doing it.” Peter turns Wade so that they’re facing each other. Wade hesitates for a moment, thinks on it before he gives a slow nod. Peter gives his own nod and looks back to the needle. “It’s just in the thigh, right?”

“You could inject my butt if you wanted.” Wade shrugs. Peter shakes his head softly and pats Wade’s side.

“Sit on the counter for me.” He says instead of responding to Wade’s comment. Wade pouts but does as he’s told.

“You take the fun out of everything,” Wade complains. Peter raises an eyebrow as he picks up the needle.

“I’ll remember that.” He hums as he takes a look at it. It was already filled with the dosage. Peter drops his gaze to Wade’s lap and rests his other hand against Wade’s thigh and rubs the marred skin with his thumb. “What’s the best way to do this?”

“Just y’know, right into the muscle, as fast as you can so that my healing factor doesn’t have time to try and fight it off and risk breaking the needle or something.” Wade shrugs. Peter gives a firm nod and rubs his thumb into Wade’s skin some more. He lifts his gaze and notices that Wade’s watching the needle like a hawk. Peter lifts his hand and nudges Wade’s chin so that Wade looks at him instead.

“Don’t think about it okay? Tell me about the last job you had.” Peter prompts, causing Wade to frown.

“Why?”

“It’s something else to think about,” Peter explains as he drops his hand to Wade’s thigh again and rubs the skin once more. Wade clicks his tongue and sits up a little straighter.

“It wasn’t really that exciting though. I mean, the dude I was hired to kill was kind of really stupid. He knew people were out for him and he didn’t even think that maybe hiring at least one person to watch his back was a good idea. And he sucked at poker. Legit worse poker player I’ve ever seen, I have no idea how he managed to ever win anything. Killing him was easy, though I almost felt kind of sorry for the guy once it was over with. He was just so useless.

“He was a fucking creep though, deserved it, y’know? You know I only take gigs for assholes who deserve it, but this guy, fucking perving on little girls. Always touching them in public, making it seem like it was an accident. I hate fuckers like him. Almost made me want to make him suffer a little, I considered chopping off his hands and dick before killing him, but he was just so fucking disgusting, and I just wanted to get it over and done with.”

Wade rambles on, and he doesn’t even flinch when Peter drops his gaze and injects the needle into his leg. The shot was easy enough to administrate and it’s over before Wade’s even halfway done with talking. Peter looks up at him and rubs over the spot with his thumb again as he sets the needle down, even though he knows he doesn’t need to. Wade looks back down at Peter like he’s suddenly remembering that the younger was with him. He stares for a second before he averts his gaze to the needle.

“…you’re done?” Wade asks, sounding surprised. Peter chuckles softly and leans up to press a soft kiss to Wade’s cheek.

“Wasn’t so bad, was it?” Peter asks when he stands back again. Wade lifts his hand and rests his palm against Peter’s cheek.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, I’m happy I can help.” Peter waves it off, but Wade shakes his head.

“No really… thank you so much, Peter. Sometimes it takes me hours to get up the courage to even get the thing ready.” Wade admits. Peter’s smile falls to something a little sad.

“If you’ll let me, I can do it for you from now on.” Peter offers but Wade shakes his head.

“I can’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not. I’m offering. I want to help, Wade.” Peter states. Wade watches him for a moment in silence.

“You’d really do that?” Wade sounds like he doubts it. Peter nods.

“Of course.”

Wade bites his bottom lip and drops his gaze. “Thank you.”

“Honestly Wade, it’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing to me.” Wade lifts his gaze again. “No one else has ever done anything like what you’ve done in the last twelve hours for me in my entire life.”

Peter drops his gaze and draws random patterns against Wade’s bare thighs. “I know babe. I’m glad to break the cycle.”

Wade chews his bottom lip and averts his own gaze. Peter stands up straighter and pants Wade’s side again. “I’ve got bacon cooking, do you want me to help clean up?”

“No, I can handle that. Thanks.”

“Okay, don’t take too long, breakfast won’t be far.” Peter pushes himself up on his toes and presses a brief kiss to the corner of Wade’s mouth before he steps back and leaves the bathroom. Wade smiles softly to himself and plays with his own fingers as a warm and happy feeling settles in his chest.

\- - -

It was getting late in the afternoon. Peter didn’t want to leave. They hadn’t done much for what little of the day they’d actually been awake. Most of it was spent just hanging around doing nothing, cuddling on the couch and talking about anything and everything. It was nice. Wade, for the first time, seemed genuinely comfortable. Peter knew it wouldn’t last, that eventually he’d try and get himself back in that far too small binder, but for now things were okay. Peter had been thinking about alternatives for it, knowing there’s not much that could help with Wade’s size. Peter tries to keep his frustration over the situation to himself. He just wanted Wade to be happy.

They’d made it back to the bedroom, Wade was going on about the last time he’d hung out with Logan and the situation that had come from that encounter when Peter’s attention is drawn from the merc. Sat on Wade’s dresser, amongst the Deadpool suit was a packer, Wade’s packer. Peter hadn’t really thought about it at all but now that he’d noticed it, he couldn’t stop staring at it. So many thoughts run through his head regarding it. He tries to ignore them, tries to forget about it and focus back on to Wade, but he can’t.

Peter stares stupidly and obviously at the packer, despite his efforts to avert his gaze.

“Staring at my cock Parker?” Wade asks suddenly with a knowing lilt to his voice. Peter still struggles to tear his gaze away for a moment. But when he does, he feels the heat crawl up his neck and cheeks when he meets Wade’s gaze.

“I uh…” Peter fumbles uselessly, not even sure what he’d _wanted_ to say. No? Because they both knew that was a lie.

“I got the biggest they had. Makes me feel better about it y’know?” Wade offers. Peter gives a quick nod as he stares at his feet. “…want me to fuck you with it?”

“W-what?” Peter almost squawks and he’s too shocked by the proposition to be embarrassed by the sound. Wade stares at him for a moment before he lets out a chuckle, his shoulders drawing forward as he smiles knowingly at Peter.

“I got one of those three in one packers, y’know, just in case. Pack, pee and play.” Wade states. He tilts his head slightly. “Soooo?”

“…M-maybe another time.” Peter manages, his cheeks completely engulfed with the tell of his embarrassment. Wade coos and steps up to him and pokes the tip of Peter’s nose.

“And people think you’re straight.” He teases.

“Shut up.”

“Make me, bug boy.” Wade taunts before he purses his lips. Peter’s eyes narrow at him. Wade starts making kissy noises and what tiny shred of self-control Peter does have fades away as he frames Wade’s face between his hands and kisses him. Wade chuckles softly into it before he pulls away, offering Peter a sideways smile. “I’m gonna hold you to that, just so you know.”

“Of course.” Peter sighs, though a smile does tug at his lip. Wade leans back in and nuzzles his nose against Peter’s.

“You’re cute.” Wade states. Peter lifts his arms to wrap them loosely around the back of Wade’s neck.

“You’re pretty cute yourself, Wilson.” Peter hums as he lets his eyes fall closed. Wade’s hands come to rest against his waist.

“You’re only saying that because you’re my boyfriend.” Wade reasons. Peter scoffs and rests his forehead lightly against Wade’s.

“I thought you were cute before I even realised I liked you.”

“And when was that exactly?” Wade asks with a light hum to his voice. Peter’s smile widens.

“The first time you tried to die for me,” Peter admits. Wade doesn’t respond for a moment, probably pieces together how long ago that was.

“How romantic.” Wade finally mumbles in a low voice. Peter gives a small nod.

“I’d say so.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Check out my Tumblr](http://bloodthirstymerc.tumblr.com/about_merc) for more of me and earlier updates! It'd mean the world to me and would really help me out.


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